I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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