Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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