I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
