I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
