why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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