How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
