wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
