I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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