super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
