i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
