im six kinds of drunk right now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
