I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
