let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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