Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
