i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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