He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize