I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
