i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
