how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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