i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
