Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
