Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
