you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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