Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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