You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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