I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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