I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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