If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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