May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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