The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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