You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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