Nicole vs. Life
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
