We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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