A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
