my sisters under your porch take her home
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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