My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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