I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
