Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
