So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
