Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
