why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
