There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
