Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
