I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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