I am puke
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
