If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
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