I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
last night I used snow as a chaser
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
