I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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