She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
