I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
