um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
