ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
