The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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