my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
