Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
