I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
