Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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