Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
