Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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