Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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