i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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