At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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