i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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