Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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