i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
pop tarts are not kleenex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
