What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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